Chinese Culture
Chinese Table Manners: What to Do and What to Avoid
By the 17Talk teaching team - certified Mandarin teachers, 8+ years of classroom experience, 3,500+ students in 40 countries
Last updated:
Quick answer
Wait to be seated and to be invited before eating. Never stand chopsticks upright in rice — it mimics funeral incense. Do not tap your bowl with chopsticks. Dishes are shared, so take from the plate nearest you. The host toasts first; if you do not drink, saying so plainly is fine. Leaving a little food is normal; leaving none is also fine.
Seating and starting
The host sits facing the door, guests of honour beside them. Wait to be shown where to sit. Do not start eating until the host invites you — 请 (qǐng) or a gesture toward the food. In a family meal, elders start first.
Chopstick taboos
Do not stand chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice (funeral association). Do not tap or drum your bowl with them. Do not use them to point at people or wave them while talking. When you are not using them, lay them on the rest or across your bowl — not stuck into food.
Shared dishes
Everything comes to the middle and is shared. Take from the plate closest to you rather than reaching across. Some meals have serving chopsticks; if others are using them, do the same. If something is out of reach and you want it, ask — 帮我 (bāng wǒ) with a point is fine.
Toasting
The host toasts first, then it goes around. Clink your glass slightly lower than the person you are toasting as a sign of respect. If you do not drink alcohol, say so plainly — 我不喝酒 (wǒ bù hē jiǔ) — and toast with tea. No one will make it difficult.
The short list
| Do | Avoid |
|---|---|
| Wait for the host or eldest person to start eating | Starting before the host has picked up their chopsticks |
| Try a little of everything you are offered | Standing chopsticks upright in rice - it mimics funeral incense |
| Hold your cup with both hands when toasting | Tapping your cup on the table instead of touching it to theirs |
| Leave a little food at the end | Cleaning every plate - it can suggest your host did not give you enough |
| Praise the food early and specifically | Passing food with your own chopsticks rather than the serving spoon |
Toasting: who goes first, and how much you drink
The host toasts first. After that, the most junior person at the table is expected to toast the seniors - so if you are the guest, you are usually senior and can wait. That is not a trap; it means you can relax for the first few minutes.
When you do toast, hold your glass with both hands and keep the rim slightly lower than the other person's. If you do not drink alcohol, it is entirely acceptable to toast with tea or a soft drink as long as you say so up front - 'wo bu he jiu' (我不喝酒) - I do not drink alcohol. What is not acceptable is accepting a full glass and not drinking it.
Common questions
Why can't I stick chopsticks upright in rice?
It resembles incense burned at funerals and is considered a strong taboo. Lay chopsticks on the rest instead.
Who starts eating first?
The host, or the eldest person present at a family meal. Wait for the invitation.
Is it rude not to drink alcohol at a business dinner?
No. Saying you do not drink and toasting with tea is accepted. What matters is participating in the toast.
Read next
- Chinese New Year: Etiquette and Customs a Visitor Should Know
- Chinese Tea Culture: What a Guest Should Know
Sources
- Rules described here reflect standard practice at Han Chinese family and business meals; formality increases sharply at banquets.
- 17Talk teaching team: meals with hosts and colleagues in China, 2025-2026.
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